I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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