If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
