so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
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