Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
