You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Randomize
