so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
Randomize
