At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
