roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
