you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Randomize
