I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
im holly from the hills drunk
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Randomize
