I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Randomize
