Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
