connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
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