so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
