my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
