if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Randomize
