Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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