It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
