Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
