was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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