How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
