ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
