this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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