I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Randomize