I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Someone signed my nipple.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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