Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
