Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
