dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
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