Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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