We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Randomize
