I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
