i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Randomize
