Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Randomize