hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
me + whiskey = a bad person
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Randomize