4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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