i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Randomize
