dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Having a random hookup so left but love u
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Randomize
