I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
