this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Randomize
