WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
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