i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
