I wish my penis had an off switch
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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