I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
