i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
