Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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