You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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