I would go down on you faster than GM stock
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
