I only kidnapped one of them. chill
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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