The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
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