i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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