how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
