HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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