I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
