I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize