just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
