just come out here and I will go home with you...
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
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