Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
