Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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