Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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