I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
