i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
