I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
