I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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