Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
