Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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