people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
The best revenge is premature balding
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Randomize
