i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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