so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
