I should be sponsored by Trojan
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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