his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Randomize
