i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize