I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
