if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
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