When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
you mean i was at the winter classic?
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
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