Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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