Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
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