too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
