How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
